Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 17 - Mail Order Bride

Click on the filename above the transcription to download the clip. Enjoy!

mailorderbride16.mp3

Dr. Weird: Gentleman, Merry Christmas, to you!
Steve: Yay! Thanks Doc! Wow that's so sweet. Come on out of that cage, lemme give ya a big ol hug! (present comes alive and eats Steve)
Dr Weird: Oh yeah!! Take it to the bank, Daddy!

Frylock: Santa's coming tonight Meatwad, so I really need your Christmas list—
Meatwad: Here.
Frylock: …and if you've been a good boy this year, you may just get this…this L-shaped thing.
Meatwad: No, see, what that is, is a hair dryer.
Frylock: You want a hair dryer?
Meatwad: Yeah.
Frylock: For what? You don't have any-
Meatwad: Keep reading, next to the hair dryer.
Frylock: This—this is a squiggle.

mailorderbride1.mp3

Meatwad: That's hair. You read it backwards, fool. So go get it.

mailorderbride2.mp3

Meatwad: I'm not saying don't get me any toys. But I need that hair. Otherwise no one's gonna take me seriously, you see what I'm sayin?

Carl: Oh, man. I cannot wait. I got the oils, the candles, the works! When does that babe get here?

mailorderbride4.mp3

Master Shake: Carl, don't refer to her as a babe please. She is a Chechnyan prostitute, and you will address her as such.

Carl: Look, just don't cash that check immediately. I wanna make sure that both of us marryin' her is gonna be, you know, legal.

mailorderbride3.mp3

Master Shake: Course it is! What, are you kidding me? Santa Claus ain't legal and he's around.

Carl: Well, I guess that makes sense, you know.

mailorderbride5.mp3

Master Shake: Of course it makes sense. Look, Carl. You just go home, wash your face and your feet, shave your shoulders and you come on over to my house tonight!

mailorderbride18.mp3

Carl: No, buddy. The only cookin' she's doin' tonight--
Master Shake: Carl, stop where you are. I know what you're going to say. You're goign to make some lewd reference to cooking..being like sex..
Carl: ...cause you and I know that she will be sizzlin' like fajita meat!!
Master Shake: Carl, Carl please!

mailorderbride6.mp3

Carl: I'm gonna take another shower before... the dirtiness.
Master Shake: Yeah why don't you take about 5 more, and while you're at it try a shirt with sleeves if you got one Romeo. We're walkin' down that aisle!
Carl: Yeah!!! TONIGHT!

mailorderbride19.mp3

Bride: Mister Shack?
Master Shake: Yeah that's my name. Now fix my dinner.
Carl: Hey, I paid half too, you let her choose!
Master Shake: Pizza burgers!
Carl: See, it's a free country baby. Come over here.
Master Shake: Don't look at him, I'm the guy.
Carl: Come over here.
Master Shake: I'm hungry!
Carl: She ain't comin' all this way to do that in America. Now We're civilized people here! Here honey.. Just put this on and shake 'em.

mailorderbride7.mp3

Carl: Hey, heyyy. Don't be a sore loser, now. You..you'll get her.. when I'm done with her.

mailorderbride8.mp3

Carl: Don't just stand on it now, ya need to hold it! It's vibratin'!
Master Shake: Yeah, I got it chubby, I can do 2 things at once.
Carl: No, you can't.
Master Shake: Huey Lewis making a comeback?!
Carl: Put the magazine down, and hold it with your hands.

Meatwad: Shoo, that sure was a good sleep I had. WHERE ARE THE DAMN PRESENTS?!
Frylock: It's 4:00 in the afternoon Meatwad, that wasn't Santa.

mailorderbride9.mp3

Meatwad: Well, you know.. Maybe Santa's just sorta gettin' a jump start on things this year. Cause..you know.. statistics..they show that there are more children in the world today.. That's China's fault.

Frylock: Where do you get this information?
Meatwad: Regis.

mailorderbride10.mp3

Carl: Ba-Baby! Look what I did for you, I hurt my neck! You know I love you.

Carl: Hey, get back here! I think I need some help here!
Master Shake: Yeah, I know you do.
Carl: You get back here!

mailorderbride11.mp3

Meatwad: Cause I ain't got no presents, that's why not.
Frylock: Oh. Well, Santa hasn't come yet.
Meatwad: Well, that old fat man better get his ass in gear! Because I ain't got nothin' under this tree, and I want that toy train!

Master Shake: Well, there ain't gonna be no dinner this year.
Frylock: What about your girlfriend. I thought she was gonna cook.
Master Shake: "Co-fiancee." Let's get it right, please.
Frylock: "Co-"?
Master Shake: Yeah, you know, I'll split her with Carl. So he's "co-owner."
Frylock: You're depraved.
Master Shake: Yes, thank you, I think she sees that quality in me. But that damn Carl is so Selfish.
Meatwad: Carl should remember the reason for the season.

mailorderbride12.mp3

Master Shake: Yeah, the reason for the season.. is pleasin'. And I haven't gottin' too much pleasin'. And Carl had better get his ass with the program!

mailorderbride17.mp3

Carl: Hey, Fryman. You think I could get you to bring your laze-eyes out here and blow a frickin' hole in my wall?
Frylock: What's wrong, Carl?
Carl: Well for starters, she's barricaded herself inside my house and every time I knock she screams at me in this like.. language. It's like some demon yellin' at me or somethin'!

mailorderbride13.mp3

Frylock: Well okay .. until then, I guess you can sleep here tonight, Carl.
Carl: Wake up with some disease? Haha! No thank you! You get me up at 10, I'll be sleepin' in my car.

mailorderbride20.mp3

Frylock: And do you Svetlana.... What does this say?
Carl: Look, just say 'Smith' or 'Jones' or something. There's no way you can pronounce that right.
Frylock: ..Svetlana Smith take Carl...
Carl: Just say 'Smith' again. It don't matter. None of this matters.

mailorderbride14.mp3

DJ: Introducing the new Mr.'s and Mrs. Brotowski!
Carl: It's Brutananadilewski! And you get the hell outta here!
Master Shake: No way! You are staying. We got him till 2!

mailorderbride15.mp3

Ending Credits Santa Clause rap.