Aqua Teen Adventures - Premiere Online Source for Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Episode 51 - Diet

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diet1.mp3

Oglethorpe: We know you eat your own farts!
Emory: They're writing it on our ship.. you see that, right?
Oglethorpe: They shouldn't do that, but they are filled with shame. Admission is the first step in recovery.
Emory: Yeah, but they're making it look like, ya know, like we like to do that.
Oglethorpe: They wha-- NO! We do not eat our own farts!!
Ignignokt: Well then why did you paint that on the side of your ship unless you long to consume your own farts? It's so pathetic.
Err: Yeah, it's f***in' gross.
Ignignokt: What kind of a creature gets nutrition from its own farts, Err?
Err: They do, man.
Ignignokt: That's absolutely correct.
Err: (Whispers) F A R T S
Oglethorpe: That's horse s--- (busts screen)
Emory: Let's just cut our losses and walk away.
Oglethorpe: Nine! The time for maturity is over! (dials pizza place) Yes, I would like to order a million..no..hold on..50 million large pizzas!

Meatwad: Woo! Oh, hey Carl! How's it goin?
Carl: Hey what?
Meatwad: I'm just powerwalking.
Carl: What are you friggin' doin that for? You're just gonna die.
Meatwad: Aw, yeah, I know. But I need to drop a couple pounds. My feet's so fat I can't get into my roller skates. And my neckerchief don't fit any more. Look at this. (Squeezes into his neckerchief) It's a stick up. It don't work. I do this at a bank robbery I'll look like a fool.

diet2.mp3

Frylock: All right! The running man!
Meatwad: Oh, no, no, no. I power walked. (steps on scale) Son of a.. look at this.
Frylock: How far did you run Meatwad?
Meatwad: I power walked down to that pile of gummy bears and back. I should probably set the pile out further. Or closer..so I can get at 'em.
Frylock: Maybe you shouldn't eat the gummy bears once you reach..
Meatwad: Well that's the half-way point. If you don't put the gummy bears out there ain't no reason to run..or power walk, which is what I did.

Master Shake: Well, I don't know why you're wasting time exercising. It's just sweat you're gonna have to wash off. Exercise is for dummies and women.
Carl: Yeah, man, you oughta hop on my diet. Started it two days ago and, uh, I'm already at my target weight.
Meatwad: Which'n?
Carl: South Bronx Paradise Diet, baby! Yeah. The twist is you eat more than you want and then you supplement that with a special candy bar.

diet3.mp3

Carl: And it ain't like them sissy no-crabs diets either.
Frylock: I think that's no 'carbs', Carl.
Carl: See, but I have crabs, so I don't qualify for that. Have I told you that before?
Frylock: Yeah.
Carl: Funny story.

Master Shake: Well, I don't have to watch what I eat or what I do. Call me Mr. Untouchable.

diet4.mp3

Frylock: Yeah, and that's why you're a candidate for heart disease.
Master Shake: Well I have three hearts 'cause I'm from Tatooine and my mother--
Frylock: No you're not.
Master Shake: Really? Interesting. 'Cause you know I get my physical every year on Alderaan!
Frylock: That didn't happen.
Master Shake: Well, I...I am from the Dagobah system!

Carl: Alright, ladies. Sorry to, uh, break up the tea party, but it's time for my afternoon candy bar.
Meatwad: And you ain't gotta run nothin?
Carl: Nope.
Meatwad: I wanna do his diet!
Frylock: Meatwad, you should lose weight the right way. By eating a well balanced meal and exercise.
Carl: Or lose it the fun way. Eat these candy bars and sit on your ass...as it gets thinner and thinner.
Master Shake: Or do it my way. Don't do it! (R2D2 Noises) What's that, R2? With no pants? Did you all hear that? Ha, ha, ha! He's crazy.

diet5.mp3

Frylock: All right, Carl. I'll tell you what. I'll bet you a case of your favorite beer that Meatwad loses more weight than you doing it the healthy way.
Carl: Yeah.. you're on!
Meatwad: And if I win, both of y'all get together, buy me a motorcycle and a pink iPod mini.
Fylock and Carl: No.
Meatwad: All I want's some home electronics! He gets to go to the damn Dagobah system!
Master Shake: (Makes R2 noises) Ohh, R2. Haha.

Frylock: Come on, baby, come on, come on, come on, lift it up! Come on, I know you can do it, come on, I know it's in you, I know you got it in you, baby.
Meatwad: Whoo! One.
Frylock: Alright, Meatwad, that was good! That was great! Now, I want you to go for two!
Meatwad: This is too hard.
Frylock: I know you can do it! Come on!!
Meatwad: You must be outta your mind. I'm gonna move back down to pink. See, now, pink-pink is challenging and macho and I'm feeling the burn with this.
Master Shake: Mmm, mmm!! Hey! Wow! Anybody want any of this popcorn before the movie starts?
Meatwad: Popcorn!!
Master Shake: Boy, is it good.
Meatwad: Over here, please.
Master Shake: Well, there's none left. Only two tubs survived from the Force!
Frylock: Shake, you know he can't eat that.
Master Shake: Come on, I know. He's got willpower. He will not not eat it.
Meatwad: What movie are we watchin?
Frylock: No, Meatwad! (Knocks popcorn out of his hand) Look, we gotta do thirty minutes on the stair stepper.
Meatwad: Son of a-
Frylock: Come on, it'll be fun!!
Meatwad: And then.....and then I'm gonna go off and get surgery while you ain't lookin and get them to suck all the rest of it out with a tube....Is that okay?
Frylock: Come on, now, all you got is 5 more minutes! You can do this!
Meatwad: But I want lips like a Tomb Raider. I got nothin, flat lips, that ain't sultry.

diet12.mp3

Master Shake: Funnel cakes! Getcha hot funnel cakes here!
Meatwad: Funnel cakes!
Master Shake: Funnel cakes from The Tomb Raider!
Frylock: Do you have to fry those here, Shake?
Master Shake: Yeah, I do.

Master Shake: Whose ready? Someone must be ready for a funnel cake?!
Meatwad: I wanna funnel cake!
Master Shake: I wish I could find someone!

diet6.mp3

Frylock: Whats wrong with you? You know he can't have this stuff.
Master Shake: I don't know, I'm conflicted. Part of me wants to show it to him then woof it down in front of him, and yet part of me wants to see him eat it and lose the bet. I just don't know who to trust anymore.
Meatwad: All right, look. Can you just hit me with some batter?
Master Shake: Hey, battah battah, sawwwinnng battah!
Frylock: No Meatwad, no batter.

Frylock: Look, I've already got your dinner specially prepared.
Meatwad: Mmm! This is here's a good steak. A little chewy, but it will do.
Frylock: Well, because the steak is a cat toy. But, I don't know why a cat would play with a steak.

diet7.mp3

Frylock: I just put it in there to get you excited about your real dinner.. this..uh..celery stalk right here. Mmm!
Meatwad: Well, it ain't workin'. Now, if you expect me to eat this, you gonna have to supply me with some wing sauce.
Frylock: How about a twist of lemon?
Meatwad: How about a twist of I gouge your mother f***in' eyes out. Get me the ***damn wing sauce.

Master Shake: Can I make that "Ala mode" for you?
Meatwad: Yes, two scoops please.
Master Shake: Alright! Two, come on, four! Eight! Dream big! Be somebody!
Frylock: Shake, get outta here!
Master Shake: I'm not doin' anything!
Meatwad: He's not! I'm tired of this diet. I can't eat what I want. What's the point of living?
Master Shake: There isn't any. (Pulls out gun) Hold my gun for me, will ya?
Frylock: I said get outta here!
Master Shake: (Answers door) Carlos!
Carl: Good afternoon, there, ladies!
Master Shake: Woah! You're lookin' pretty skinny there, dude!
Carl: How 'bout you hook me up with a couple funnel cakes?
Master Shake: You got it, Sticks.
Carl: And, uh, go way heavy on the powdered sugar.
Frylock: Man! You're lookin pretty good!
Carl: Yeah! What'd I tell you, man? South Bronx Paradise, all the way, baby! Hheheh! Yeah. All I gotta eat are these candy bars, get plenty of sleep, and, uh, no exercise, though, that's a no-no. Technically I should've driven over here.
Frylock: So you don't mind if I take a look at one of those candy bars, do you?
Carl: Yeah, they're 8 dollars a piece there, Fryman, so, uhh, you look.

diet8.mp3

Meatwad: Hey, can I just have one funnel cake....eating contest?
Master Shake: Yeah!
Meatwad: Pile 'em up right here. Get the clock.
Master Shake: We'll throw down right now because I'm gonna whoop your ass on this diet boy.
Frylock: You're not part of the bet.
Master Shake: Oh, okay. Sorry..that I'm part of the bet. You heard him. I'm in it.

Frylock: (Inspects candy bar) Well, f*ck me runnin'. Say, Carl, do you have any idea what's in these candy bars?
Carl: No I do not.
Frylock: Well, would you like to look through this scope and just see what you've been eating?
Carl: No. It's South Bronx Paradise, baby!
Frylock: It's South Bronx Parasite!
Carl: Yeah, whatever.
Frylock: Did you even read the wrapper?
Carl: It's typical, liberal media, parasite, paradise. You're guaranteed to shed pounds within hours, I know that.
Frylock: Yeah, because there's larva inside of you feeding on your flesh.
Carl: What am I? Nerd scientist, here? Hey, look, save the dissertation for my ass before it totally disappears. Hahaha! South Bronx Paradise!
Meatwad: Hey, Carl, you left this comin' out your butt.
Carl: Yeah, I thought I felt somethin sorta slip.
Frylock: Eww! It's a human liver! Is this yours, Carl?
Carl: Oh, alright, here we go, I don't know, who cares. That's dead weight, is what that is.
Meatwad: C-c-can I have it?
Frylock: No, Meatwad!
Meatwad: What? I'm about to die of hunger here, I need meat!

Master Shake: Oh, yes! Today is the day! The glory train is takin off!
Frylock: For what?
Master Shake: Well, I get that case of beer like you promised.
Frylock: Look, Shake, you're not part of the bet. You never were.
Master Shake: But I wanna be.
Frylock: Well, you're not. Meatwad, I'm gonna go check on Carl, see if he's ready to step on those scales.
Master Shake: Well, I'll be here waiting to reap in the glory of winning! And we're renaming the house, "The Master Shake Title Town!" T-R-T--Ahh!

Frylock: Uh, Carl, you in here? Carl? Hello?
Carl: (On ceiling) Yeah?

diet9.mp3

Frylock: No...
Carl: I gotta tell you man I can hear you..like talkin' from your livin' room. I got some sort of crazy, amazing hearing. They don't tell ya about that in the book.
Frylock: What are you doing?!
Carl: It's part of the diet. They say you know, if you wanna slide around on your stomach, don't fight the urge.
Frylock: You realize you're up on the ceiling, Carl.
Carl: Oh. Oh, yeah. That. I like to be next to this light. Like, real next to it. Why? What're you queer?

Frylock: Oh, Carl!!
Carl: I told you I can eat whatever I want with this diet. It's friggin great! And the kicker, no long term ramifications.
Frylock: Whatever, whatever, whatever, Carl. Okay. Look, look, it's time for the weigh-in.
Carl: I had no idea there's so much protein in these, you know?

Carl: Hey. (Waves and his hand falls off)
Meatwad: MEAT!!!
Frylock: Meatwad, no!
Master Shake: Hey, that's no fair! He can't be takin stuff off before he gets on the scale!
Carl: Just, uh, prop me against the wall over there.

diet10.mp3

Master Shake: Hang on, everybody wait. I'm about to win this bitch.
Frylock: You're not part of the damn bet, Shake!
Master Shake: Oh yeah? Is that what you think? Well why don't you hit that switch over there and then you tell me? (Gets sucked clean)

diet11.mp3

Frylock: All right. Get on the scale, Meatwad.
Meatwad: How we lookin'?
Frylock: You weigh...two more pounds than you did last week!
Meatwad: Aww fudge. Does anyone want some? It's good. Got nuts in it.
Frylock: Carl, you ready?
Meatwad: It's pecan fudge.

Carl: Yeah, we're doin this thing right now and it is in your- (Carl bursts open and a giant parasite appears. It drags Carl's body onto the scale)
Parasite: I win, brother! I win, I win, I win! In your face, Frylock! I win! (Frylock and Meatwad drive away in Carl's car) Come on, where's everybody going?